dreams

I have wanted to be a mom since I can remember.  I probably played with dolls entirely too long, MASH was a game I frequently played and I dreamed of having a minivan.  Somehow, since the fourth grade I knew I could have 3 children.  I could hardly wait to have babies after Jared and I got married.  I didn't know what being a Mother would be like but I knew I wanted it.   From the moment I knew that my children were going to be part of our family they captured my heart.  Feeling my baby move for the first time in my belly is nothing short of a miracle.  Seeing your child for the first time and holding them in your arms is a euphoria that cannot be beat. 

 Carson and Maddox have filled a place in my heart that was open for them since I was a little girl, they have made my dreams come true.

I can only hope to do the same for them.

Being a Mom makes me appreciate my Mom and Mother-in-law because this isn't and easy job.  Not all days are fun and filled with finger painting, trips to the park and dinner tables where everyone eats their vegetables.  More days than none, I lay in bed at night and feel awful for yelling too much or not playing "fire station" and sweeping the floor instead.  I often wonder how my boys will turn out to be good people, I pray for more patience and most days I just feel exhausted.  I feel sorry for that.  Motherhood is a work in progress for me and I wish I was as good at it as I had dreamt as a little girl.

We are all a work in progress and nobody is perfect.  I want my boys to be happy and kind people.  And I am right here with them learning how to be a happy and kind mama.  

  I can't express the joy Carson and Maddox bring me on a daily basis and I can only imagine what their brother will add to our family.  These guys in my life really are a dream come true and even on the nights that I lie in bed feeling badly about being a selfish mom, I also feel grateful for having the chance to be the mother to these boys.  

So Thank you Jared, Carson, Maddox and no.3 for making me a mother.  For making my dreams come true.  For filling a place in my heart and making me full.  For teaching me everyday about forgiveness and selflessness.  I love you more than words can express.