be kind

Kindness

"One of the greatest acts you can bestow upon another.  If some one is in need.  Lend them a helping hand.  Do not wait for a thank you.  True kindness lies with in the act of giving with out the expectation of something in return."

*****

Recently I took the boys to the Cedar Rock Railroad.  It is a fantastic quarter-scale train that takes passengers on a 1.3 mile ride through the nature-filled fields of the Williamson County Regional Park.  The boys are both obsessed with trains and it had been a particularly great morning.  Everyone was well behaved and getting along nicely.  As we pulled up to the train depot I realized I only had a $1 bill in my wallet.  I didn't think too much of it and figured I could just pay with my debit card.  After all, the farmer at the farmers market can swipe my card on his iPhone.

We waited in a small line at the depot for the train to come back and pick us up.  As I approached the conductor he informed me that he only accepted cash for the train tickets.  I told him that it wasn't a problem and I would come back with cash.  I held Carson's hand and as I was about to tell him we needed to go find an ATM, a woman behind me, who had just gotten off the train said "I want to buy your tickets."  I was shocked that a perfect stranger would offer such a thing.  I thanked her but told her, she didn't need to do that.  She said "no I insist."  She pointed to my big round belly and said "I have been there and I know how hard it is to be pregnant and have little ones.  Please I want to pay for you."  

She would not take no for an answer.  As she handed the conductor the $5 for our train tickets, I had tears in my eyes (I am a very emotional pregnant woman).  I don't know her nor does she know me but we both know the daily struggles of motherhood.   I was so taken aback by her gracious gesture and I thanked her about 20 times.  I just wanted to hug her.  I kept my hands to myself but I just hope that mother knows how much her random act of kindness meant to me that day.  

It reminded me that there are still kind people in the world.  I immediately felt compelled to pay it forward so on the way home I drove thru Starbucks, got Carson a cake pop and paid for the woman behind me.  

I don't care if the boys grow up to be doctors or janitors.  But I do want them to be gracious.  I want them to be as kindhearted as the woman who bought our train tickets.  To be genuinely nice men.  That would make me the happiest mother.  

happy July 5th

A year ago today, I looked like this.  Bald and pale with bags under my eyes.  Carson sent me this picture of himself while I sat in my recliner hooked up to bags of poison that would save my life (a  picture that still bring me to tears.)  I was at chemo a year ago today.  It was one of my worst treatments in terms of how sick it made me but it was one of my happiest.  Before my 5th on the 5th of July, I learned that not only was chemotherapy working but I had gotten a full response from it!  BEST NEWS I HAVE EVER RECEIVED.

I get to tuck my boys into bed every night and kiss Jared before the day is done.  Something I never take for granted even on my worst Mommy days.  I am here.  I am healthy and on top of it all I got to hear our unborn son's heart beat today. 

 So the 5th of July does get even better. 

           

30 weeks bumpin'

145 baby heartbeats per minute

95 the average tempature in Austin this month

70 days until my due date

16 the approximate length in inches of no. 3

10 elephants items in the nursery 

5 names seriously discussed

4 ultrasounds

3 infant sleepers purchased 

2 naps taken by mommy

1 case of baby hiccups

1 toddler who crawled out of his crib

1 minivan purchased

0 glasses of wine consumed

superhero

Enough said!  Jared is a superhero, well almost.  Technically he is a cadet superhero but in the eyes of Carson and Maddox he already has super powers.  He is selfless, kind and determined.  All things I hope my boys become.  Though, life isn't easy, the one thing I can count on is that he will always be at my side.  I couldn't have chosen a better partner in crime.  Thank you for all you do to love and provide for our family.    

It is also fun to watch my own Father being a Grandpa to the boys.  The joy that the boys and my Dad (and Mom too) get from each other is a very cool thing to see.  

Happy Fathers Day to all the great Fathers in our lives.   

a pond and a pool

Now all the boxes are unpacked and pictures are hung on the walls.  Lately, we have been checking out our new neighborhood.  On a walk one day we found a pond with 3 ducks.  The boys have become obsessed with walking to the pond to feed them.  We usually bring a slice of bread and Maddox throws his bread bits from the stroller.  Otherwise my little busy body would end up in the pond with the ducks.  

On one of our trips to the pond Carson saw some school age boys fishing.  One of the boys caught a little bass while we were there.  Carson was interested and  started asking if he could go fishing.  I knew that my Dad ( the biggest and best outdoors man I know) was just the person to buy him his first fishing pole and take him to catch his first fish.  Carson practiced casting in the back yard with a key tied to the end of his line for weight.  He caught right on and only got it tangled in a tree a few times.  

The next morning he was up at the crack of dawn waiting for Grandpa to come over from the hotel to fish.  After the turtles stole all their bait and another trip to the store to get smaller hooks Carson (aka Grandpa) got a couple little blue gills.  He was thrilled to see a fish at the end of his line and grabbed the fish with no fear to throw him back in the pond.  If you ask him what fish eat he'll probably tell you "hot dogs" since that is what they used for bait.  

Summer is now in full effect in central Texas.  We love our back yard but the boys are dripping in sweat after 30 minutes of playing outside.  So now we usually make a trip to the pool almost everyday after nap and a few times on the weekends.  It is just a block or so from our house and the boys swim like fish there.  They have the perfect little beach entry kids pool and a larger swimming pool. Maddox has no fear and if you ask him if he wants to go under the water he will shake his head yes.  I'll be extra thankful for the pool when I'm 9 months pregnant in August (the hottest month in TX).         

  

Texas roadtrip

A little over a month ago we said goodbye to our home in southern California.  The almost 1,400 mile drive took us over 24 hours and we did it in 2 days.  

It was definitely sad driving away from the ocean and remembering all the good and bad memories from the past 6 years.  We were married on Camp Pendleton, we moved 3 times throughout San Clemente, we were devastated when we lost a nephew and a brother, I was diagnosed with cancer, we bought 6 new cars and a motorcycle, and I found out I was pregnant 3 times. Carson and Maddox made us parents, we walked the beach trail more times than I can even count and made dozens of great friends.  It isn't easy closing that chapter of our lives and starting a new adventure no matter how exciting the adventure.  Because lets face it, the unknown is scary.
But here we go...

Sitting out on the front walkway for the last time.

        

Watching movies on the ride.  What would I have done without the DVD players?

Stopped at In-n-Out for one last time. 

Watching the sunrise in Arizona while the boys slept on our drive.  And of course we stopped at Taco Cabana as soon as we could.  Hello warm tortillas and liquid cheese!

The last few hours of the drive were never ending.  During those last few hours, Carson used the F word correctly in a sentence for the first time as well.  I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or holler when I heard him struggling in the back seat only to say "This f-ing window won't open."   No son, the window won't open because I put the window lock on 700 miles ago.  I'll admit it, I laughed, quietly so he didn't see or hear.  I couldn't help it.  But we now know about naughty words and Daddy is watching his mouth much better.     

We survived the ride and we had Miles and Caroline waiting for us with a beer and Oreo cookies for the pregnant lady.      

dreams

I have wanted to be a mom since I can remember.  I probably played with dolls entirely too long, MASH was a game I frequently played and I dreamed of having a minivan.  Somehow, since the fourth grade I knew I could have 3 children.  I could hardly wait to have babies after Jared and I got married.  I didn't know what being a Mother would be like but I knew I wanted it.   From the moment I knew that my children were going to be part of our family they captured my heart.  Feeling my baby move for the first time in my belly is nothing short of a miracle.  Seeing your child for the first time and holding them in your arms is a euphoria that cannot be beat. 

 Carson and Maddox have filled a place in my heart that was open for them since I was a little girl, they have made my dreams come true.

I can only hope to do the same for them.

Being a Mom makes me appreciate my Mom and Mother-in-law because this isn't and easy job.  Not all days are fun and filled with finger painting, trips to the park and dinner tables where everyone eats their vegetables.  More days than none, I lay in bed at night and feel awful for yelling too much or not playing "fire station" and sweeping the floor instead.  I often wonder how my boys will turn out to be good people, I pray for more patience and most days I just feel exhausted.  I feel sorry for that.  Motherhood is a work in progress for me and I wish I was as good at it as I had dreamt as a little girl.

We are all a work in progress and nobody is perfect.  I want my boys to be happy and kind people.  And I am right here with them learning how to be a happy and kind mama.  

  I can't express the joy Carson and Maddox bring me on a daily basis and I can only imagine what their brother will add to our family.  These guys in my life really are a dream come true and even on the nights that I lie in bed feeling badly about being a selfish mom, I also feel grateful for having the chance to be the mother to these boys.  

So Thank you Jared, Carson, Maddox and no.3 for making me a mother.  For making my dreams come true.  For filling a place in my heart and making me full.  For teaching me everyday about forgiveness and selflessness.  I love you more than words can express.