a pond and a pool

Now all the boxes are unpacked and pictures are hung on the walls.  Lately, we have been checking out our new neighborhood.  On a walk one day we found a pond with 3 ducks.  The boys have become obsessed with walking to the pond to feed them.  We usually bring a slice of bread and Maddox throws his bread bits from the stroller.  Otherwise my little busy body would end up in the pond with the ducks.  

On one of our trips to the pond Carson saw some school age boys fishing.  One of the boys caught a little bass while we were there.  Carson was interested and  started asking if he could go fishing.  I knew that my Dad ( the biggest and best outdoors man I know) was just the person to buy him his first fishing pole and take him to catch his first fish.  Carson practiced casting in the back yard with a key tied to the end of his line for weight.  He caught right on and only got it tangled in a tree a few times.  

The next morning he was up at the crack of dawn waiting for Grandpa to come over from the hotel to fish.  After the turtles stole all their bait and another trip to the store to get smaller hooks Carson (aka Grandpa) got a couple little blue gills.  He was thrilled to see a fish at the end of his line and grabbed the fish with no fear to throw him back in the pond.  If you ask him what fish eat he'll probably tell you "hot dogs" since that is what they used for bait.  

Summer is now in full effect in central Texas.  We love our back yard but the boys are dripping in sweat after 30 minutes of playing outside.  So now we usually make a trip to the pool almost everyday after nap and a few times on the weekends.  It is just a block or so from our house and the boys swim like fish there.  They have the perfect little beach entry kids pool and a larger swimming pool. Maddox has no fear and if you ask him if he wants to go under the water he will shake his head yes.  I'll be extra thankful for the pool when I'm 9 months pregnant in August (the hottest month in TX).         

  

Texas roadtrip

A little over a month ago we said goodbye to our home in southern California.  The almost 1,400 mile drive took us over 24 hours and we did it in 2 days.  

It was definitely sad driving away from the ocean and remembering all the good and bad memories from the past 6 years.  We were married on Camp Pendleton, we moved 3 times throughout San Clemente, we were devastated when we lost a nephew and a brother, I was diagnosed with cancer, we bought 6 new cars and a motorcycle, and I found out I was pregnant 3 times. Carson and Maddox made us parents, we walked the beach trail more times than I can even count and made dozens of great friends.  It isn't easy closing that chapter of our lives and starting a new adventure no matter how exciting the adventure.  Because lets face it, the unknown is scary.
But here we go...

Sitting out on the front walkway for the last time.

        

Watching movies on the ride.  What would I have done without the DVD players?

Stopped at In-n-Out for one last time. 

Watching the sunrise in Arizona while the boys slept on our drive.  And of course we stopped at Taco Cabana as soon as we could.  Hello warm tortillas and liquid cheese!

The last few hours of the drive were never ending.  During those last few hours, Carson used the F word correctly in a sentence for the first time as well.  I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or holler when I heard him struggling in the back seat only to say "This f-ing window won't open."   No son, the window won't open because I put the window lock on 700 miles ago.  I'll admit it, I laughed, quietly so he didn't see or hear.  I couldn't help it.  But we now know about naughty words and Daddy is watching his mouth much better.     

We survived the ride and we had Miles and Caroline waiting for us with a beer and Oreo cookies for the pregnant lady.      

dreams

I have wanted to be a mom since I can remember.  I probably played with dolls entirely too long, MASH was a game I frequently played and I dreamed of having a minivan.  Somehow, since the fourth grade I knew I could have 3 children.  I could hardly wait to have babies after Jared and I got married.  I didn't know what being a Mother would be like but I knew I wanted it.   From the moment I knew that my children were going to be part of our family they captured my heart.  Feeling my baby move for the first time in my belly is nothing short of a miracle.  Seeing your child for the first time and holding them in your arms is a euphoria that cannot be beat. 

 Carson and Maddox have filled a place in my heart that was open for them since I was a little girl, they have made my dreams come true.

I can only hope to do the same for them.

Being a Mom makes me appreciate my Mom and Mother-in-law because this isn't and easy job.  Not all days are fun and filled with finger painting, trips to the park and dinner tables where everyone eats their vegetables.  More days than none, I lay in bed at night and feel awful for yelling too much or not playing "fire station" and sweeping the floor instead.  I often wonder how my boys will turn out to be good people, I pray for more patience and most days I just feel exhausted.  I feel sorry for that.  Motherhood is a work in progress for me and I wish I was as good at it as I had dreamt as a little girl.

We are all a work in progress and nobody is perfect.  I want my boys to be happy and kind people.  And I am right here with them learning how to be a happy and kind mama.  

  I can't express the joy Carson and Maddox bring me on a daily basis and I can only imagine what their brother will add to our family.  These guys in my life really are a dream come true and even on the nights that I lie in bed feeling badly about being a selfish mom, I also feel grateful for having the chance to be the mother to these boys.  

So Thank you Jared, Carson, Maddox and no.3 for making me a mother.  For making my dreams come true.  For filling a place in my heart and making me full.  For teaching me everyday about forgiveness and selflessness.  I love you more than words can express.